.....urhmmm...yea...mmmhmm...okay...darn it...ohh!! sorry,i was busy looking through my lousy not-eco-friendly exam papers! anyway, welcome to the 21st issue of the peanut times! let me tell you guys my exam results are not pretty... they are not pretty or beautiful (like my gf) or nice or whatever. One word DISGUSTING! i can't write my results out but... i can tell you how i feel. my brains' exploding, my cells have all died and most of all, i need to have dinner soon but who cares?! i do :) KABOOOM thats what i felt. just to add some singlish for awhile( pls bear with me, ms Z) i tell you hor, my english result and mathtematicssss result hor, wahhh, read until go kuku already. velly velly bad one. my chinese and my...eh, that one called what har...oh science hor, velly bad... my eyes all ka-tchia already i tell you. my brain go kuku, i everywhere also go kuku liao. velly velly not nice one. i kuku until i kuku all day lah, i cannot eat pok or chickkikon already larh, all becos of tat boy lah, the what pushpalapapita or what seh, but now, i eat instant noodles tat time hor, damn shiok sia! ooohhhh, singlish time over alleady? wahh-seh, so fast one.. neverminded, see you all nexted time
that was some nasty singlish. wait! who wants to guess who is the pushpalapapita? A.K.A shamil poovuaree soovuaree teentee D/O poopoonan... just some random name thought up by me and ervin! time for some jokes!
| Farting All The Time | |
| Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?" Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time," The Doctor nods, "Hmm." Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?" "Hmm," says the Doctor, He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?" "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test." |
| Revenge Is Sweet | |
| There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!" |
| Crazy Patients | |
| A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?" |
| Need Samples | |
| An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample." The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?" "What did he say? What's he want?" His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear." that was definitely stupid... i could not think of any poems... so, too bad! but stay alert for the next issue of the peanut times! all about... holidays! remember hor, holiday is coming velly velly soooon ahh, better be happiness arh, orh else arh, i ka-tchiak your eyeball den you knowed. this singlish guy has gone kuku... ohh!! i've got the ailment!! AHHHHHH!!!! this is the all- freaked out reporter Gareth signing off alleady hor...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!~~!! |
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