the Peanut times by:Gareth

Greetings~♥
welcome people from earth and beyond to the 11th issue of the spectacular"rrrrrr" peanut times!!!! as you all may have realised, ihave not been writing. so, now i am!! Teacher's Day was round the corner, and why the heck do we celebrate for our teachers even though they practically kill us with never-ending homework and punishments? one anonymous reader wrote in to the free line: celebrate??! my butt !! i'd rather fry eggs in the toilet and eating drugs that kill me than celebrate!... well, apparently, you, my reader have no respect for teachies.. i mean teachers. however, according to the most reliable GarethRocks survey, we have answered that question.... please write ur answers in the comment box.
QUESTION MANIA....WHY NOT CELEBRATE TEACHERS DAY?
A) teachers do not deserve it
B) because Boon Tau Suan offended them and they hate us so they teach us about robotic genetics and how pee is produced and released and it is so disgusting that we do not celebrate for them.
C)DUH WE MUST CELEBRATE COS' THEY SCOLD US TO CARE FOR US TO PUNISH US TO MORE HOMEWORK ( that was my pesky assistant, Boon Ah Soup.)

Wow... teachers so rock. any way, now for homework. how not to be harmed by electricity?
SWITCH ON TO SAFETY...Advice while working around electricity
When working around a home, we often don't treat electricity with the respect it deserves. Too often, people get seriously hurt or even killed as a consequence. Use an extension lead that is appropriate for the power loading you need. Check that it has three prongs and is approved to Australian Standards. Extension leads with only two prongs are not ‘earthed' and are dangerous. If an appliance is faulty, a non-earthed plug can cause power to flow through the body of whoever's using it, with extreme danger. There are certain situations when it s the phone you should be reaching for, not the screwdriver. These tasks should never be attempted unless you are a qualified electrician: • Wiring any part of a home. • Installing lighting or switches. • Installing or moving power points. • Rearranging electrical wires. • Carrying out electrical maintenance. • Replacing frayed cords on appliances

THE POEM CORNER

Jasmin's Birthday
Thank you for the party Mum
My birthday was such fun
I know my friends will all come back
When I have another one
The cake you baked was special
I never would have thought Mum
That a no-egg, no-milk, no-butter, chocolate-free, fat-free,sugar-free, date & pumpkin cake
Would taste just like a bought one
Pink icing made from Beetroot-Coloured-Tofu on the top
And beeswax smoke-less candles
That you made at a workshop
I'm glad you made the fairy bread
From organic, yeast-free rye
And sprinkled it with poppy seeds,sesame and sunflower... to fortify
The chickpea dip, falafel balls,
The celery sticks with hommus
And what about the babaganouse
That was real adventurous
Mum, I do appreciate
All the hot food you prepared
From non-genetic-engineered soy
It shows you really care
Like the not-dogs and not-sausage rolls
With the not-tomato-sauce
And I loved the home-grown veggie pizza
With soy cheese of course
I'm forgetting the most fun part
Was the games we got to play
They took you ages to prepare,
But they really made the day
Like bob for locally-grown organic applesbought from a neighbour down the street
And pin the tail back on the dog(that had it cut off in a laboratory experiment)was really neat
Sight-impared person's bluff and
The free range egg and spoon race
Musical chairs played to Tony O'Connor
And my favourite ... Tug-of-Peace
Pass the parcel wrapped with unbleached recycled paper, grown on thewest side of a hill by a tree released from its vertical home to serve humanity by a group of landcare volunteers who formed a circle around the tree,meditated and chanted for four days before placing it gently, back onto the earth from which it had first sprung as a sapling and from where its mother and father had gone on before to serve as recycled toilet paper and toothpicks respectively.
And instead of taking their prizes, Mum
My friends and I agreed
That we'd donate to a charity
For children who're in need
And I'm glad you said 'no presents'
I really have so much
Just you and Dad as parents
Is a birthday present enough
My friends went home exhausted
From all the fun they'd had
With their little calico bags
Full of gelatine-free sweets you made
So thank you for the party Mum
My birthday was such fun
I know I'll always remember it,
The day that I turned ONE!

Now that its the end, i cannot comprehend, how sad i am. That was bad. here's some jokes

Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

we hope you look forward to the 12th issue where we talk about children's day!!! this is reporter Gareth signing off~ I am still watching you...